


Suppressed

by Temptingareadaholic



Series: Suppressed [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rin's mother is perfect, homophobic parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-09 06:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temptingareadaholic/pseuds/Temptingareadaholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru and Rin are spending an ordinary night together cuddling when Haru's parents decide to come home from business to surprise their son. When anger of their son's choice of love turns a night out for three into a night out for two, resulting in a fatal car crash, Rin doesn't know how Haru is feelings and to be honest, neither does Haru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Giggles

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I'm pretty excited to write this an I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to their respective creator, I do not own them. Trust me, if I did their lives would be filled with a lot more angst (but at least they would be together)

Complete.  Finally he figured it out; that feeling that had rested in Rin's heart. That sense of satisfaction that he couldn't quite place. Completeness had found Rin and absolutely refused to leave, and Rin would fight to make sure it never did. The red-head could barely think of trading this moment now, having Haru's head snuggled comfortably in the crook of his neck and the tickling sensation of his soft breath, with the times of rivalry between them and all those bitter words that had been spat out like venom.  Time and time again the quiet boy had reassured that Rin's words were forgiven and forgotten, but every now and then Haru went blank and stared into the distance as something brought those hated memories back. Words that still hung in the back of the red-heads own memories. In the hue of victory, Rin made a proclamation he'd never be able to take back no matter how many times he proved the falseness of its validity. Forever would the shark swim with the dolphin.

            Haru shifted beside him, gently tugging Rin out of his thoughts. Chuckling he gently pecked the top of the raven-haired boy's forehead. "I'm so glad  you're here," he whispered, soft enough that he thought the boy would not hear. The words were more a message to himself, a reminder that Haru was the most important person in his life. He was the one person he couldn't bear to lose and although Haru wasn't meant to hear, the raven-haired boy picked up every word.

            "And I always will be," he muttered against his boyfriend's shoulder. Haru, always a man of few words, was so affective at using them. In their simple life of swimming and school (unnecessary and cumbersome in Haru's mind), he always knew how to bring excitement in the pit of Rin's stomach, bubbling up so that there was a blush in his cheeks and a giggle restrained in his throat. It was an excitement that he hadn't felt since they were kids on the same relay team, trapped all those years in Australia and his beginning at Samezuka. Haru freed it.

            Life had decided to take a turn to amazing perfection after years of hell. With the past forgotten, they began to make dents into their future. Haru, who sparsely decorated his house, had even put a picture or two of them up; pictures that were very hard to miss. One sat near the entrance of the house, greeting the few who came over. The picture was magic itself, capturing one of Haru's rare smiles as Rin pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. If anyone had asked the red-head what happiness was, all he would have to do was point at the picture. The second one he knew of was in their- Haru's - bedroom, whispering good night to Haru whenever Rin wasn't there to do it himself. Nagisa had taken the picture of the two when they weren't looking, but Haru loved it all the same. Haru's home had almost become a second home for Rin- third if you counted Samezuka- as he often spent time there curled against his boyfriend in their blissfulness.

            Almost releasing the giggle that was trying desperately hard to escape, the red-head tilted the chin of the blue-eyed boy, staring into them for just a millisecond before leaning in to passionately kiss him. Rin's insides screaming as he lost himself in the moment of euphoria. Their lips moved in perfect synchronization, memorizing more and more of each other. The shark parted his lips as Haru pushed him back against the bed and climbed on top of him. The giggle was quickly replaced by a moan, which couldn't be held back as easily.

            "Nanase Haruka," the screech came from a dark-haired women standing in the entrance of Haru's bedroom, "What in the world do you think you're doing!" Her features were scrunched in an ugly frown and anger reeled off of her, hitting the couple full-force. Haru looked up, still dazed from the earlier kiss and unable to discern what was happening. Rin floated in the same boat as Haru, wondering who this strange woman was. After all, Haru lived alone and always lived alone since his grandmother had died. She raised him while his parents worked in Tokyo. Although, this women did have an uncanny likeness to Haru...

            "Shit," Haru whispered as he realized just who this woman was and the man who soon came up behind her, the same horrified look on his face. Within seconds, Haru was scrambling away from Rin, as if he thought he had some chance of hiding what they had been doing, what they were to each other. The flustered boy stood at the edge of his bed and bowed deeply to his parents.

            "Okasan. Otosan. When did you get home?" he asked, as if he was hoping maybe they would ignore the boy in his bed, but these hopes were futile. His mother looked at him, seething with anger. When she spoke Haru winced back slightly at the deadly calmness of her voice.

            "Haruka, would you mind asking your friend to leave," she said, stretching out the word "friend" to a point where the frightened son looked like he was about to burst. "We would like to have a small chat with you." Haru hesitate, but Rin got up with great confidence and stood next to his boyfriend.

            "Nanase-san" said Rin, his bow significantly less than that of Haru's. When he stood he did not leave the boy's side, ready to take whatever criticism his parents had to say. Haru wouldn't stand alone.

            "Go, Rin," he whispered, ready to take whatever about his parents had to say on his own . Rin open his mouth the respond, to tell Haru that this was his fight too, but Haru silenced him. "I said go, Rin." And Rin left, each footstep forward a battle and the closing of the door behind him a war. He heard the screams start, the yelling, and the anger. He fought off tears as the image of the turned down photograph surrounded by smashed glass seared itself into his memory. He wished he could go back to fighting off giggles.


	2. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru's one-sided conversation with his parents on the matter of his lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I actually updated a lot quicker than I though I would. I just really wanted to write before things got to busy. This was a really emotional chapter for me to write so I really hope you like it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, if I did you probably would all hate me (but love the fact that ships are canon)
> 
> *Edit: I just realized I posted the unedited version of this chapter, sorry if some parts were confusing, but it's all fixed now.

            Fear. Fear enveloped Haru as he stood there staring at his parents: the two people he hadn't seen since his grandmother's funeral. When she died, she had left the house empty and bare. Only now was it again filled with Rin's voice bouncing through the walls and those two photographs he  kept to remind himself the treasure the raven-haired boy had found. All that Haru had gained and now he watched those shark teeth and  that violent red hair he loved and needed so much walk away, not because Rin had wanted to, but because Haru told him to. All the swimmer could now feel was fear.

            "Haruka," began his mother, her voice calm, but her son wasn't fooled. Fury was still laced in her eyes and the women stood rigid. His father was a quiet force behind her, still reeling the same anger, but his mouth was sealed. It was common knowledge in the Nanase family that Haru's mother was the one who could speak. She had the power to send shivers right down to the bone of any person she came into contact with. And right now, that person was Haru.

            "Okasan," he replied, bowing once again in hope of showing just how sorry he was. The quiet boy was sorry, not sorry that Rin was in his bed, but that Rin had been caught in his bed.  Haru knew the words that were to come, knew exactly how his mother thought of men who fell in love with men, women who fell in love with women, and those who were neither completely one or the other. He wasn't ashamed of whom he loved, but Haru didn't want to make Rin go through the same punishment he had to. The dolphin's parent wouldn't touch the shark.         

            "How dare you!" the women began to scream, each word became louder than the next. The calm facade she carried earlier was starting to release and her anger hit him like the waves of water Haru loved, each word struck him with betrayal. His love forcefully thrown back at him.Parents were supposed to love you, right? Yet Haru couldn't remember the last time he felt their love and here they were, blaming him for finding it.

            "I...," he opened his mouth and then quickly closed it. It was best not to speak now and from his mother's face, the boy saw that he was right. Now was a time to listen, to be yelled at, to be told why he was wrong and why he was disgusting. Haru looked to his mother, stared right into her eyes, and then tuned her out. He didn't need to know how much his parents thought he was repulsive, just to be reminded of the boy named Rin, who thought he was the light of the world.

            "We thought you were better than this, Haruka," the words were muffled as his mind was flooded with images of the smiling red-head, but he could still hear them and they still pierced him, but that red-head loved him, even if his parents did not.

            "We know we were gone a long time)," she rationalized, it wasn't them who fucked up their son, "but your grandmother was here. She should have taught you what was right and what was wrong. Haruka, this is wrong."  Ignoring her wasn't working anymore. They were threatening to come now, the tears. It wasn't what his parents thought of him. Haru and Rin sometimes caught the stray glance of strangers and the people before him were strangers enough. His grandmother, though, still managed to tug on his heart. She loved him and taught him to do just that: love. If she were here, she would take Haru by the hand and defend him. She would tell him that to love is to turn your life into something beautiful, no matter who it was. Haru's grandmother would have been proud of him, but his mother thought otherwise and now Haru was trying to hold back the tears.

            "We don't know what to do with you ,Haruka," she went on, he wished she would stop saying his name, stop reminding him that he, Haruka, was her son. They didn't want Haru, Rin's lover. "We don't want to send you to therapy, but we think that may be the only option." We...we..we, that's how she stated every sentence. It may be just her speaking, but it was both of them who hated him. They thought he was wrong, broken.  Haru's parents wanted to fix him

 and once they made him right again, would they just leave? Would the two people who stood before him travel back to Tokyo, content that their son was normal again. While his mother continued to talk, the quiet yet strong boy made himself a promise. They would not "fix" him, he would not give them the satisfaction, and forever would he love Rin. Haru would continue to make his grandmother proud.

            "Darling," his father spoke for the first time that night, " I think the solution for now is simple. If this is anyone's fault, then it was that boy here earlier. Our Haruka would never have ended up like this if it wasn't for _him_." Haru tensed, and the fear and tears were pushing even harder now. This was the exact opposite way he wanted this to go. He wanted Rin out of the conversation and only to remain in his thoughts alone.

            "No," Haru whispered, but his parents were no longer paying attention to him.

            "We forbid you, Haruka, to see that boy again," said his mother. The anger was gone, but the force of will was still there. She would see her command out through the end. "He's bad for you and-" The woman never finished her sentence.

            "Get out!" Haru rarely even raised his voice, but now he put every ounce of hatred, pain, and the tears he's been fighting off into those two words. Finally, Haru sent the wave back. "Get out of my room, get out of my life. You don't control it and if you think I'll let you, then prepare to be disappointed. Get the fuck out."

            "Haruka," gasped his mother, a hand ready to strike, but he slammed the door in their faces and did the one thing he's never done before. He locked it. The door shook as his mother pounded and beat it, demanding he open it up once more, but he didn't he flopped back down on the bed, holding back the tears that were so close to falling.

            "It's no use," his father spoke again, "Haruka, we're going out to dinner. You were supposed to come with us, but under the present circumstances, I think it's best you not. We'll  be home soon. Stay here." And they left. No goodbyes, no I love you's, just gone. He heard the car this time and the tears finally fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah I really hope you enjoyed this one because I really enjoyed writing it. I want to start writing chapter 3 right now, but I don't exactly have time, but since this chapter turned out so well I might just write tomorrow. So please tell what you think, if it was OOC at all and thank you for reading!


	3. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin can't help but regret leaving Haru's house, and then Haru shows up on his doorstep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So here's chapter 3, it took a little longer to get into than the last chapter, but I still enjoyed writing it. We have a little bit of Mako in here, so I really hope he isn't OOC, I guess you just have to let me know. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to their respective creator, I do not own them. If I did, Rin wouldn't have been the only one who shed that many tears :) (but remember...canon)

Chapter 3: Pain

            Regret. Rin regretted leaving Haru's side before he even stepped out the door; he could feel his heart clenching as he heard the screams of the women who called herself Haru's mother. The red-head had only heard three words, ones that acted as if  the love of the two boys was an insult. With "how dare you" ringing in his mind, he sprinted away as his perfect world came crashing to the ground.

            Arriving home, the boy was greeted by his mother, who attempted to usher him into the kitchen for dinner, but now was not the time to dine with family. Rin saw no possible way to look his mother in the face without out bursting into tears. How could he tell her how her son left his love to fend for himself? How could he tell her that the shark broke his promise to the dolphin and fled from their ocean in fear?

            Rin couldn't and he didn't. Pushing past her and toward his room, he muttered something about homework, but he carried no bag and she was no fool. The slump is his shoulders and the weariness in his eyes showed the mother that her son had  lied, but she was wise enough to let it go, knowing talking now wouldn't help Rin, no one could get through to him when he was like this, and just stared with worry as Rin dragged himself up the stairs.

            The bed he laid in was cold and sent a shiver down his spine, so different from the ones Haru caused. Those shivers brought him pleasure and love; they were wanted. Now all he could feel was the spot empty beside him and the wondering if it would ever be filled again. From the women's reaction and the man who was teeming with anger behind her, the troubled boy doubted it.  The raven-haired boy, who seemed to just enter back into his world, was now leaving it, pulled away from love by those who claimed love.

            Rin almost missed it. The boy who could be seen through the bedroom window walking to the front door. The black of his hair blended in with the night, but his pale features shone in the moon light. He was there. Haru was back and the red-head couldn't decide whether to continue watching him from the window or rush down to meet him.

            The door below him open and the shocked, yet pleased voice of his mother drifted upstairs, "Haru!" Rin was desperate to meet him, but after all his doubt, the prospect of seeing Haru again, rooted him to the spot. He was so close, all Rin had to do was reach out. Then the desperate boy heard it, the crack in the swimmer's voice as he greeted Rin's mother with a polite "Matsuoka-san", and raced downstairs and caught his beloved as he collapsed into his arms.

            The red-head thought he had felt heartbreak before, thought he knew the feeling of a heart being crushed over and over again until he was ready to scream out, but now he knew he had never been more wrong. The sound of the wretched sob that tore itself for Haru's throat did more than just crush his heart; it broke his soul. Rin was pulled down into Haru's despair; their emotions were linked and the pain was just too much to bear anymore. Even walking up the stairs to Rin's bedroom would have been too much for the two, and so they sat there, Haru crying into his boyfriend's neck while the loved son did everything he could to not show the pain.

            After a few minutes in the spot on the floor, the two felt not one but two pairs of arms wrap around them. Rin looked up to see his mother and Gou. They might not be able to feel the symphony of emotions flowing between the two boys, but the mother and daughter could see it and they acted upon it. The gesture itself required little energy, but filled Rin with enough to pick (up the smaller boy in his arms so he was fully off the ground and carry him upstairs into his bedroom.

            Haru just rested there, in the presence of the man who loved him. For once, he let Rin do all the work, let Rin pull the covers over him and slide in beside him, let Rin press a gentle kiss to his hair before once again taking the crying boy into his arms, let Rin soothe him and hold him, let Rin be the strong one. The red-head could sense that the dam inside Haru had broken and the pain kept flooding out, so he took it all in and held it in.

            "I love you, Haru," he whispered right above the boy's ear and he felt the trembling stop. Haru raised his head and slowly turned around in the circle of Rin's arm. Finally he could see the look in his eyes and it broke the man holding him. The eyes that were a blue so deep you could drown in them, but still they managed to convey as little emotion as possible, were now full to the brim with just one emotion: despair. Haru held his boyfriend's stare, his breathing once again becoming ragged and the sobs were released again. Haru dove forward clinging on to his shoulders and drenching Rin's neck with tears. The boy was crying harder than he had all night and Rin didn't know if he could continue holding it all in.

            "Just hold me," cried Haru, "please, Rin, just be here." The tears were slipping down Rin's cheeks, but he held his silence.  He would always be there for Haru and couldn't image a world where he wasn't. Rin wrapped his arms around him tighter and held his breath, fearing that the next one would release a sob. The boy waited as the other's cries became farther and farther apart until eventually they stopped altogether.

            He was still trembling, but even that began to subside, "We'll make it through this, Haru. I'll carry us through this. You can be damn sure I'll find a way." Haru nodded into his neck, slick with tears and soon the two fell asleep, completely and utterly exhausted.

\-----------------------------------------------------POV SHIFT-----------------------------------------------------------

            It had been some time, Mako thought, since he saw Rin running away from Haru's house and the distant yelling he couldn't quite make out. He had heard the arrival of Haru's parents, whom he hadn't seen in years, and their departure. His memories of them had faded quite a bit, but Mako could still remember the kindness he had seen from Haru's parents whenever he was around. Haru's best friend had very little to go on when it came to the impressions of his parents. Although Mako was around for a majority of the boy's life, his mother and father had not been, and it wasn't a particular favorite topic of his.

            So, when the shouts he heard from his neighbor’s house disrupted his study, Mako was more than curious to find out if his friend was okay. Deciding to call Haru's phone, a very long shot, but still worth trying, he reached the usual voice mail. The house looked dark and empty, so he doubted that his best friend was there. It could be possible that Haru left with his parents, but Mako didn't want to leave it to chance. He decided to call.

            The ringing was stopped rather quickly as Haru's mother answered the phone, "Nanase-san, I was wondering if Haru was with you." The line was silent for a long time before she answered.

            "No," she said, "He should be at home." That's odd, Mako thought. Where else could he possibly be? And then the answer dawned on him.

            "Oh," he replied, "Then I guess he went over to Rin's. Sorry for troubling you Nanase-san." Haru's mother hung up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thank you so much for reading! I don't like this chapter as much as chapter 2, but I still love it, so let me know if you love (or like) it too. Tell me if you thought anything was OOC or just off a bit, I always love hearing feedback and it's a huge help. I'll try to update daily, but I apologize if I miss a day (I will really try not to, I need to get back to writing a lot again). So I will hopefully see you tomorrow!


	4. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru and Rin are woken up in the middle of the night by a devastating call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I know I updated a little late (I'm back to full days of school now that exams are over), but I wanted to get it in by the end of today! I hope you enjoy it, there were times where I was definitely having a lot of fun writing. Thank you so much for following this fic all the way you the fourth chapter, it means a lot to me!

 

            Exhaustion. The tumbling sea of emotions the boys had experienced  brought  a sense of exhaustion in the room as they lay there cocooned in the tendrils of sleep. Haru could feel himself being slowly pulled toward consciousness and he fought it off, wanting to stay in the peace just a little while longer, but Haru lost the battle and  he was awoken by the muffled ringing of Rin's cell-phone that lay on his bedside-table a few feet from them.

            The boy moaned and shifted, realizing a little too late that he was captured in the ring of his lover's arms. Sinking back down into his embrace, he was struck with confusion for a moment, wondering how he ending up in his boyfriend's bed when they usually spent the night in his. Moaning as sleep tried to pull him back in and Haru was ever so tempted to let it, he looked at the clock: 6:52. Then the confusion brought on by sleep spared him no more and the events of the previous night came rushing back and his heart dropped like a sinking stone. They weren't in his bed, in his home, because it was no longer a safe place for the two, no longer could they hide away from the world for a few hours to find themselves in blissful love. Their safety was destroyed

            His breathing hitched and the effort to hold back the tears and the pain started to become too much. His body began to shake, but the words of the boy sleeping beside him crawled forward, reminding him that somehow in this twisted world of theirs, they would come through. "I'll carry us through this," Rin had said, and for once Haru thought he might just let him. The thought fought off the worry and brought serenity back to the boy, as he looked over Rin's sleeping face.

            "Haru?" groaned the red-head, who soon had too been woken up from the ringing phone next to him. He reached out for it, but his hand didn't quite make it. Rin let out another groan as he began to move toward the phone, but Haru clung onto the bigger boy's arm, not wanting to be away from his presence even for a little bit.

            "No," Haru said, his mouth against Rin's shoulder, "get it in the morning". The smaller of the two heard silent chuckling and felt his face slowly being lifted up from its comfortable position and brought up to gently press his lips against Rin's. The raven-haired boy felt a warmth and insatiable hunger spread throughout his body. He needed this. Oh how Haru needed to feel Rin's lips against his, to feel Rin's love so directly, but as Haru pressed in for more the red-head drew back.

            "It is morning Haru, and," he said, dragging the boy to his phone and looking at the screen, "Mako wouldn't have called 15 times at seven in the morning if it wasn't important." With a worried sigh as he snuggled closer to Haru, Rin answered the sixteenth call.

            "Rin! Thank God!" came Mako's flustered voice came through the phone as Rin put it on speaker, instantly shooting Haru out of his relaxing exhaustion. "I've been calling for ages! Why didn't you pick up?" His best friend sounded tense and the jitteriness of his words that picked up a pitch way too high on the last few words wasn't helping to ease any of the tension.

            "Calm down, Mako," said the boy holding the phone, but Haru's own calmness was leaving him. "It's really early in the morning and Haru and I had a long night. We just woke up." The quiet boy was again reminded of the scene he left at home: the angry parents who had ordered him to stay there while they left for a family dinner. Surely they had come home at one point and realized that their son was not where he was supposed to be. The thought of what awaited the terrified son was almost too much to bare.

            "Don't tell me to calm down Rin," yelled Mako, who normally was very subdued, the peacemaker of the group. "Can I talk to Haru, he needs to hear this." Mako's voice was shaking and tears started to break through the friend's barrier. They found out, Haru and Rin couldn't beat them, it was over. Everything, every emotion, every kiss would be ripped away from him.

            "He's on speaker," Rin, said slowly as if he too was scared of what was going to come out, "You can say it to both of us." Both of their breathing had picked up, as they sat through insufferable silence waiting for Mako to just spit it out.

            "Haru," his voice cracked and Haru's tears fell, but the words to come next were nothing the raven-haired boy could have possibly imagined. "It's your parents, they're dead." And the tears stopped flowing, and his mind stopped thinking. The teen felt empty and he just couldn't comprehend the words Mako had said. Dead. They couldn't be dead. They were there earlier, yelling and screaming him. He was a failure in their eyes, one step short from being the perfect son and that one step short was love. Now they were gone. How could they be gone?

            "Har-u-ka," Rin's voice finally came, broken and unsure what to say and how to react. He felt a hand rest gently on his shoulder and Haru shattered. Ripping the hand off, he scrambled away from Rin and tumbled onto the floor. "Haru!" yelled Rin, the name he always called him, his lover and love, but right now the orphaned son couldn't be that anymore. He was Haruka, the son of the two parents who had thrown out his choices like trash and abandoned him. They left him, the only people who constantly called him Haruka and now Rin had the audacity to mix the two.

            "Don't touch me," the son yelled. He looked toward the boy he called his lover and saw the destroyed face, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now, not when his insides were shredded and gutted.

            "Haru," Rin's voice was turning to anger. The son could see his loves contorted features as he tried to hold it back, but once Rin let his anger get the better of him, he had to wait for the destructive emotion to pass or let it be replace by an even more violent one, whether it be joy or despair. The anger still flowed between the two boys as they braced for an argument, but the words stayed trapped. Finally, Rin spoke, "What the hell, Haru!"

            The son, not knowing how to respond, couldn't explain the emotions warring inside of him and the words that flew out of his mouth were unplanned, "Why'd you call me that-Haruka?"

            "That's your name, isn't it," the anger was tainted with confusion, but Haru could still see the rage stir in eyes of the red-head. Before the son could respond, the door behind him opened and Rin's mother walked in, eyes slightly heavy from sleep, but her features plainly showed the worry coursing through her body.  Her cheeks were flushed with color and her heart beat, over and over again. She was perfectly alive. Before the sob could escape, Haru fled from the house. This time the dolphin fled from the shark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've actually been able to update daily which is quite a feat for me, but now that exams are over I have full days and I'm going to start getting homework. I don't know what my day will be like tomorrow, but I will try very hard to update. If all goes well, this fic will be done on Friday! Thank you so much for reading! Every kudo and comment has been a push forward!


	5. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin tries to come to an understanding of Haru's actions, but can't without the help of his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So we're getting near the end here and this has been a really fun journey! Only one more chapter after this one and we will have the full six chapters! Thank you so much for reading this all the way to chapter five! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to their respective owners, I do not own them nor do you wish I owned them (canon)

            Understanding. Rin was far from understanding his boyfriend's erratic behavior; he couldn't possibly fathom how Haru, solemn and quiet, could turn to a rage that intense so quickly. The hand that the angry boy had torn off his shoulder burned where had had touched it, as if he tainted the soothing gesture with the pain that burned inside. And how that pain spread, poisoning the red-head's own heart. The anger and bitterness was growing, but Rin just couldn't understand why it was there in the first place. Tonight he watched Haru loose one thing after another: first the love of his parents and then the parents themselves. He expected the loss to cripple his beloved, not make him act out in anger.

            The struggling boyfriend had done his best tonight; fought every second to allow Haru to be the one to collapse on his knees. The shark couldn't bare the dolphin's pain anymore; he let it out finally as he felt the hard ground smash against his legs. It was a pain, the source of which he could locate; it was a pain that could easily be treated; it was a pain that could be avoided. This pain was so much more bearable than the one slowly turning his heart to acid.

            "Rin," said his mother worryingly. He looked up to see her in her nightwear walking toward him with arms already beginning to open and engulf him. In the moment that Haru had ran away from him, he barely noticed her presence in the doorway, but when the confused boy felt his mother's arms wrap around him, he succumbed to his emotions. The son let his mother take in some of his pain because he had absorbed too much and held it all in. She whispered comfortingly to him, her words just a hush that he couldn't quite distinguish until the question was asked, "Rin, sweetie, what happened?"

            The broken boy could not draw an answer to that question. The emotions of the couple had jumped from love to despair to anger in such a shot amount of time and the toll was too high to pay. "Okasan," he cried, "too much." After several minutes of silence from the two aside from Rin's fractured breathing, the boy launched into the story of the catastrophic return of Haru's parents and their quick departure.

            As the story unraveled, Rin felt not sadness but anger, bubbling inside and on the verge of boiling over. Desperately he wanted to turn his cries into screams, wanted to knock the crap off his desk, and to throw the pillows off his bed. He wanted to destroy without actually breaking anything . The shark just needed to feel in control again.

            "Are you okay, Rin," asked his mother, sensing the change in his features as they subtly transformed into a look of anger. She was a women who was always so perceptive to her son's emotions. Rin had no hope of escaping her attention, but he tried to cover up anyway.

            "I'm fine, Okasan, I just don't understand. I tried to be there, wanted to be there, but he only pushed me away," said the abandoned lover. Rin was always the first person Haru sought out when problems arose, although those times were very few on his side, his boyfriend could always expect to find him hiding in his arms as he let the spurt of emotion pass. So why did the swimmer run away this time?

            "Sometimes," consoled his mother, "when we lose someone, we don't want to fill their place with anyone. We want the original. When Haru's parents tried to take you away from him, he fought back, but now he has nothing to fight for."

            "He has me," said Rin, not fully grasping what his mother was trying to tell him. What were Haru's parents, besides judging and absent? How could Haru mourn the people who were rarely even in his life at all, just people on the sidelines booing the swimmer as he tried to reach the end of the race.

            "He does," she said, "but that isn't the point. The point is that each person in your life has a role to play, and that role can never be taken on fully by anyone else, not the same way. When I lost your father..." She had trouble finishing the sentence.  Her son could hear the remaining grief in his mother's voice and gave her a slight squeeze of comfort. Rin had lost his father at a young and transitional age. He was still young enough to remember him, but not old enough to let the impression sink in fully. The shark's father was a man he wanted to honor, a man he wanted to be proud of him. For years he had been following his dream, striving to make it to the Olympics in the deceased's stead. Haru showed him that it wasn't just his father's dream he was following, but his own.

            His mother continued, "When I lost your father, I didn't want to talk to anyone for weeks. I just wanted to sit there in my own self-pity, angry at the world for taking away what was mine. You and Gou, were the only two that kept me going, made me live my life instead of stowing myself away. You are that for Haru: a beacon of hope at the end of all this unfairness, but right now you have to let him be angry and understand that he doesn't want you to see him like this. Grief turns us into monsters." Her words were starting to make sense, but one thought still twisted around in his mind.

            "But why grieve them," he said, finally confessing what he'd been thinking all this time. "I mean chichi was chichi, but these people weren't family for Haru. They didn't deserve Haru." Rin wanted to feel shame for speaking of the orphan's parents in that way, but couldn't bring himself to do it. If they were true parents, then Rin wouldn’t have fallen asleep last night with a tearful Haru in his arms.

            "Because," she said, it seemed as if she had an answer for everything, "He's only ever thought of them as his parents. I'm sure this isn't the first confrontation they've had, but probably the first one of this scale and now they're gone. No matter how awful they may seem, it's hard to deal with someone leaving so suddenly." It bothered Rin how much she was right and how much he was beginning to understand. He still wanted to be angry, maybe that way he could fully understand Haru and his constant wave of emotions. Earlier as they sat there in their despair, the two had felt so linked, but now it was broken.

            "It still doesn't make any sense," he said, "I know what you're saying, I just can't understand." The young boy felt like screaming, but he held his frustrations in.

            "That's because human emotion is too complex to understand, Rin," his mother replied. "There will be times even after this where you won't know what the other is feeling and all you can do is know when to give him space and when to just be there. Right now just let him be alone and think, and then go see him. He'll need you then."

            "Okay" he said. Rin wouldn't give up on Haru so easily, no matter how much the anger and confusion hit him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so please just let me know what you thought! Each chapter was previously outlined and I know exactly what I'm doing for the next chapter, but your feedback is always welcome and does affect my choices! Thank you so much for reading and I will see you one last time for this fic tomorrow!


	6. Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm really sorry that I didn't post yesterday, but I was tired and straining to keep my eyes open and you guys deserved better than some half-assed ending that would have resulted from that. This is my longest chapter yet and did my best to make it the best. I changed the structure a bit as it is the last chapter (beginning isn't a word). I really hope you like it and thank you so much for reading this!
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to their respective creator, I do not own them but if I did I would add more angst, but do my best to give them a happy end! (And don't forget, I would make them canon)

            The shock had been too much at the time. After hearing the word dead, Haru had shut down, barely even hearing the words that followed. Makoto had said something about a car crash; the orphaned son's parents were coming home from their family dinner when a car had come unexpectedly from out of nowhere, killing both instantly. Alive one second and dead the next, apparently painless physically, but their hearts were infected with rage. The couple would have been angry at the world for giving them a son that was so fucked up and so far from what they had planned for him to be, a son that should have been in car with them.

            The thought ran through him like a tsunami; the water drenching ever inch of him with horrified realization. Haru should be dead too; the son along with his parents resting in their graves together. But he wasn't, he was walking home with the sky just beginning to light up around him, alone. The boy was used to being alone; the house empty of the normality of family. It was different though, the raven-haired boy always carried the knowledge that his family existed somewhere, just in a different city in their own little lives. Even that small solace was ripped away from the boy who was much too young.

            Death should have wiped out the entire Nanase family; death should have taken them all happy and unknowing; death would have taken them all if it wasn't for Rin. The younger, bigger boy gave Haru's parents their anger and Haru his life.  Rin was his reason for living.

            The journey from his boyfriend's home to his own felt like eternity; the distance seemed to have doubled since his trip there late last night. The cold of the morning air sent unpleasant shivers down his back. The small boy's head was pulled downward, staring  at his shoes as they made a constant, rhythmic pit pat against the pavement. The sound resembled the thumping of a heartbeat, his own. It was as if everything was doing their best to try to remind the orphan how he was so painfully alive while his parents were not. The boy would have collapsed right there if it wasn't for the soft voice only a few feet away from him. Looking up, Haru saw the boy who had been his best friend since they were little kids, the boy who had never left him, not even once. He was given one final burst, enough to make it to the comfort of his friend, before he released his gut-wrenching sobs.

"Oh Haru," said Mako, his voice straining at the desolate sight of his childhood friend. "I'm so sorry."  Haru almost felt guilty, allowing such a caring friend whose heart was way too big to see him this vulnerable. He showed so much more emotion than he had ever let Mako see. Wave after wave crashed over the supposedly emotionless boy. "I can't believed this happened!" Mako was beginning to become flustered at the amount of despair pouring out of his friend. "I was talking to them last night and everything was fine..."The knowledge jarred Haru and he interrupted him.

            "You talked to them last night?" Haru asked, going on when he saw Mako slowly nod. "Were they looking for me? Were they asking if I was still home?" The raven-haired teen didn't know why he was asking or why he needed to know, but the question burst out of him before he could hold it back.

            "Um...no actually," began Mako, "I was looking for you. I called your mom asking if you were with them because I heard some noises coming from your house and I was worried. She said you weren't with you and I figured that you must be at Rin's. She hung up really quickly and that was the last I heard from her." It never ended, the constant torrent of grief and guilt. Haru had snuck out; Haru had disobeyed their orders; Haru was the reason they left the restaurant when they did; Haru was never supposed to be in the car with them; Haru was the one who put them in the car. Their death weighed more and more upon his shoulders, pushing him into the ground and into the graves he dug. The boy who caused the death of his own parents leaned more fiercely on his best-friend as he quickly lost his will and ability to carry himself.

            Mako ended up half-carrying and half-dragging his friend to the front of his door. When Haru finally regained the will to move he open the door and stopped the kind boy from following him inside. He knew that Mako would never abandon him of his own free will, but right now he couldn't handle his or anyone else's presence. The swimmer yearned to be alone.

            "Mako," said Haru, "would you mind just letting me be?" He could see that his friend was prepared to argue, but one look from him silenced Mako. Casting his eyes downward and giving him a sad smile, Mako waved farewell and walked down the steps to his own home. Haru watched him silently for a few seconds, watched how those muscular legs of his slowly and reluctantly pulled him away.

             The scene before him caused memories to bombard the poor child. He saw Rin walking away as he stood in front if his parents; the same reluctance restraining him. Maybe if he hadn't ordered his beloved to leave and asked him to stay, holding on to his hand and showing his parents the love he felt, then maybe something could have changed. If he had just displayed his love for Rin, laid himself completely vulnerable before them, they could have accepted him, made an effort to understand him and get to know Rin. Maybe they could all have gone out together: happy. The vision was enticing, but Haru knew it was impossible. His parents would have never accepted Rin.

            He still could have saved them though. Haru knew that they would never have raced home if he hadn't snuck out. If he hadn't sought out Rin for comfort, just held it all in and dealt with it on his own, they would still be alive. Their death was his fault. The guilt ate him up, dissolving his insides, emptying him. The house he was in now only made it worse. They were here for only minutes, but somehow his parents had been able to leave their presence all over. Suitcases were left by the couch, one of his mother's coats was already hanging off a chair, and the photograph of him and Rin was still lying flat and smashed. He ran to the one room where their presence didn't touch: his own.

            The door slammed behind him and the destroyed boy crashed onto his bed. His breathing turned into harsh sobs and the sound of his weeping filled the house, blocking all others out. The orphan became more and more exhausted, but his tears only fell harder by the second. He laid there unraveling as his face took on the expression of monster after monster; grotesque in nature and hiding nothing of the emotions splashing around inside. He laid there hoping sleep would finally take him and that he could have some reprieve for a few hours, but sleep did not find him. He laid there, glad for once that no one was there to see. Finally the boy wracked with pain and exhaustion, drifted off into the rocky seas of sleep.

            This time waking, Haru was not given the blissfulness of confusion. His memory stayed with him while nightmares plagued him. Images of the bright lights of cars, followed by a loud horn, and a deafening crash rushed through his mind as the boy picture the countless ways his parents could have died. In some versions the car came from this side and in others from the front. He had no one to comfort him now, no one to take him into their arms and whisper away his fears. Out of habit, he reached out beside him, expecting the bed to be cold and empty. He gasped when his hand found the warm hand of another.

            "Hey Haru," came the tired voice he recognized instantly. Haru looked up to see Rin sitting next him; he sat their slumped and his legs stretched out beneath him. The dark circles under his eyes proved that the red-head hadn't slept one bit after the swimmer fled from his home. Haru sat there for a while, searching for his voice that hid in the crevices of his throat.

            "Rin," he choked out. He had found his voice, but not the words. What could he say to the boyfriend who did his best to take in his sorrows, whom he pelted with words of anger and hostility, who still came after everything that happened. "I'm sorry."

            "For what, Haru? You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I should have tried to understand more." Haru was speechless. He desperately  wanted Rin to blame him for what had happened, for his parents coming home, for the car crash, and for his anger. The smaller boy needed Rin to acknowledge with him that everything was his fault; he needed the confirmation, but Rin didn't give it to him.

           "No, Rin," Haru wanted to scream, but he kept his voice low, "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have pushed you away. This is all my fault. Everything is my fault."  Again the tears threatened to come and like always, they eventually would. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Why couldn't he fight them off? Haru hated to cry, hated to let his emotions overcome him so easily. It made him vulnerable and weak and completely ashamed. Yet, lately Haru had begun to show more emotion. He smiled more and after that day in the locker room, where Rin held him from behind as the group tickled him to force a laugh out of him, that action had come to him more often too. As the two boys began to date, he allowed Rin to see more and more of himself, the vulnerability that laid underneath his stoic personality. All of it, he thought, stemmed from that one moment when Rin cried on top of him, his tears cascading onto the raven-haired boy's face. Never once did Haru think that the broken boy above him was weak, but incredibly strong because he allowed himself to show. The red-head had torn off the concealing layer and let him in, if only for a little bit, and it was the strongest thing Haru had ever seen. So now, Haru realized that he needed to release the tears he wanted to suppress.

            "Haru, don't you ever say that. You couldn't have controlled anything that happened. You couldn't have stopped your parents from coming home and catching us and you couldn't have stopped them from dying." Tears were streaming down Rin's face as well. "I was there, but I left you alone. We were in this together, but I didn't let you see that it was hurting me too, I didn't let you see the pain. I'm sorry." The sight before the lover brought tears that fell faster as he felt the link between the two being sealed again.

            "I was stupid too," said Haru. "Your mom came into the room and all I could feel was jealousy, stupid jealousy because she was alive and you had her. I thought of how I had no one and you had a mother who loves you and a sister who cares for your happiness and I had nothing. My parents never accepted me and then they died." It was the first time he admit to being jealous, even to himself and Haru could feel the pressure lift off just a little bit more.

            "We were both stupid, Haru," whispered Rin, his voice shaky. "We got angry and let it control us. You lost people, people I can't replace and I didn't realize it at the time, but that made me angry. I said it before and I'll say it again, we're in this together and we'll carry each other through this." He leaned down and softly pressed a kiss to Haru's forehead, whispering a quiet "I love you" that Haru returned without hesitation.  The dolphin and the shark laid there for hours, waiting for the day they could giggle again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's over and although it's a little upsetting because I enjoyed writing this, I am so happy to make it to chapter 6. Please if you have and questions or even requests do not hesitate. I'm thinking about writing how they got together in this fic and maybe what happens after, so if you think you'd like that then just let me. Thank you so much for reading this and making it through the end with me. I'll see you next fic!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this, and please comments are especially welcome and will only make this story better. I apologize for an OOCness and will gladly fix it if you tell me. I will post as often as I can. Enjoy the HaruRin!


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